


To Keep

by softestlad



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Biphobia, Bisexuality, Conversations, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, warning for angry/frustrated author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 22:44:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19755277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softestlad/pseuds/softestlad
Summary: "You've pulled, if you ever fancy straight life again."Some emotional fallout of casual biphobia, very much fuelled by author frustration.





	To Keep

“What’s up with you, eh? You’ve been twitchin’ since I got home,” Aaron said, watching as Robert did just that, sitting on their bed as though he was relaxed but obviously – to Aaron’s eye anyway – anything but. His long legs were stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankle, his book open in front of him. But he wasn’t reading it. Going from scratching his face, to plucking imaginary lint off his clothes, fidget, fidget, fidget. Aaron sat down by his feet, resting his palm on the exposed part of Robert’s ankle between his jeans and sock. His skin was warm and familiar, and the touch seemed to soothe him some.

“It’s nothing,” Robert said, “Don’t worry about it.”

“Can I worry about you?” Aaron said, lifting his eyebrows, speaking pointedly, “Husband?”

Robert flexed his foot, eyes flicking between his book and Aaron’s face. Which was growing more concerned by the moment.

“Seriously, Rob. Is it Vic?”

Robert sighed, resting his book face down on his lap. “Yeah,” he admitted, “But not how you think.”

“Well I’m not thinking anything yet, as you’ve told me nowt,” Aaron joked, relieved to see a small smile on his husband’s face. He’d seen Robert every which way, but nothing beat happy. Happy, and smiling, and Aaron’s.

“Y’know how I said I had the estate agent round, to distract her from Wendy?”

“Yeah?”

“Vic was on the phone with her after, and – “ Robert paused, considered whether to go on. “She – fancied me.”

“Right,” Aaron said. He couldn’t deny the little stab of _something_ , fear, jealousy, sadness, all jumbled up. But the difference between the him a year ago and the him now was knowing how to slow things down. To walk to conclusions instead of leaping, to consider rather than react. His gut reaction to things wasn’t something he could control, but the way he dealt with the thoughts and feelings that arose was. “Go on.”

Aaron started stroking his thumb back and forth on Robert’s ankle. Robert read him easily, offered him a blink and you miss it proud smile. They’d come a long way, the both of them.

“Vic said something. She said, _you’ve pulled, if you ever fancy straight life again._ ” Robert looked down at his hands. “I didn’t even register it, when she said it, but – I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it.”

“I bet,” Aaron said, a confused kind of anger bubbling up. He knew Victoria was going through it right now, and that Robert was – Robert. But still.

“We’re arguing, I know, and – and no one ever seems to _get it_ that I’m bi. Or what that means. But Vic, as soon as she realised how much I cared about you she was right on board. She was on board before I was, Aaron!”

“She shouldn’t have said that.” Robert blinked.

“What?”

Aaron exhaled, a deep gust of a sigh. “She shouldn’t have said that to you, Robert. And I know it must feel pretty rich coming from me, I’ve lashed out at you about that before, said things that made me sound – “ Aaron searched for the word, waving his hand.

“Ignorant?” Robert tried. “Uninformed? Biphobic –“

“Straight,” Aaron decided. They both chuckled under their breath, and Aaron took the opportunity to push at Robert’s legs until he uncrossed them, set his book aside entirely. Aaron slotted into the space between them, on his knees facing Robert on their bed. Robert curled his legs around Aaron, automatic and comfortable. “I’ve not always been good about it, but that was about me, not you. And I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. Figuring stuff out, especially after what you said about Jack.”

Robert ducked his head, and Aaron wasn’t having that. He cupped Robert’s cheek, gently made him look at Aaron again, lines around his eyes betraying the tension there, the internal fight against what he was feeling.

“After all that’s gone before it’d have to hurt wouldn’t it?”

“But it doesn’t matter. How can it right now, how can I be stuck thinking about this when Vic – “

“What happened to Vic doesn’t mean you don’t have any feelings, Robert.” Aaron brushed Robert’s hair back, following a path to behind his ear. “Look, you know I don’t agree with everything you’ve done since Vic told us,” Aaron said, refusing to let Robert’s head drop, refusing to look anywhere but Robert’s eyes. “And what she’s been through…she’s not going to be in a place where she can care about everyone else’s feelings, not for a while at least. She’ll have too many of her own right now. But I _always_ care about how you feel. So just come to me, right. Just tell me.”

“I feel,” Robert swallowed. “I feel mixed up. It’s like you said, the stuff about my sexuality and my family, it’s all knotted together.” Aaron moved his thumb against Robert’s cheek, echoing the motion he had soothed him with before on his ankle. Robert leaned into it. “My dad didn’t accept it. Me. He didn’t accept me, then Andy was always put first, loved most. All of it, it’s all a huge mess in me Aaron, and I’m sick of every time someone makes so much as a joke about it, having to clean it all up all over again.” Robert’s chest heaved, and Aaron moved closer, held Robert’s wrist with his free hand, bent his head low to create a small, safe bubble for them. “Why does it still hurt this much? Why does every time someone leaves me feel like the first time he sent me away?”

Robert leaned his forehead down on Aaron’s shoulder, and Aaron rubbed at his back, wide circles between his shoulder blades. Up the nape of his neck, into his hair, holding Robert to him. Holding him tight. Holding him to keep.

**Author's Note:**

> the only good thing about ryan leaving is i won't have to hear this bullshit tbh


End file.
